I thought it was over.

I tried to reply from his tweet saying he needed a push for his studies but some other girl replied first. So I deleted my tweet. Good thing I have fast hands. I checked his profile and saw a link that leads to his blog. Guess what I did, I read all of his posts. I don't know. I think I'm just curious on what's happening in his life for the past 3 years. I think I'm curious if he ever thought of me even once.

It's not a crime to hope. I was hoping that I would see my name on one of his posts. I was hoping that maybe he remembered something about me, how our conversations went before and how I was, but there's nothing but her name on it. Upon reading his posts, I knew more about him, that what he felt for her was real and sincere.

I envy her. She got the guy that first caught my eye, the guy that I wish to stay beside me. But their relationship is not perfect. They experienced ups and downs but at least when I got out of the picture, they were better. But why do I feel like I haven't crossed another road yet? I feel like sometimes, I'm still trapped in his shadows. I compare others with him knowing he's still better in so many ways. Don't get me wrong, I'm not waiting for him, but every time I think of him, I still get the butterflies.